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Dymon J
Staff
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Posted: Mar 17th, 2006 03:19 PM |
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They say that blood is thicker than water. But when exactly does that term come into play? I don’t think anybody has the answer to that question. But I definitely think that term applies to the situation at hand. A man is married to a woman who was never taken care of or raised by her own mother. Her grandfather was left for that particular duty. Two years into their marriage, they separate for the simple fact that the same woman who never raised her daughter tried to run the marriage from the outside, and did everything to the husband’s discontent. When he asked his wife to stand up to her mother and let them be, she didn’t. She had fear for a woman who was never a part of her life.
To get a better understanding, it’s best to start from the beginning of the unfortunate situation that actually broke the marriage. The couple was expecting their first child. It was shocking for the husband because he didn’t want any children until he was released from active duty in the Navy. Nevertheless, he was excited. But his excitement would soon be destroyed by the country he swore to protect. The doctor told the couple that their projected due date was November 8th. He was slated to start a 6 month tour on November 6th.
With this being told to the couple in the month of June, he requested to only miss the first 30 days of the deployment, where other sailors who were in the same situation were trying to use it to escape from going altogether. He was denied by his command all the way to the month of November. This is one of many reasons why he didn’t want any kids until his time was up in the military. But little did he know that was the least of his worries.
With the fact known that he can’t be around for the birth of their son, she starts to worry. The thought that she hardly knows anybody in Norfolk, VA has her terrified. The only people she knew were her uncle and his family in Virginia Beach. But with him stationed on a destroyer, he was in and out like a ghost. The husband tried to calm her down, and assure her that she would be okay with people that he was friends with. But she wasn’t all that comfortable with the idea. So she turns to the one person she felt she needed the most; her mother.
Her mother somehow convinces the wife to move in with her all the way up in New Jersey. At first the husband was semi-against the idea. But then he was even more against it when he spoke to the mother. “You know that she wants to come up here, right?” the mother says. “I don’t know why” the husband responds. “We already have a roof over our heads. It’s only a one bedroom, but that will change when I get back.” “She can’t stay down there. That poor child is terrified that you won’t be around to help her.” “So it sounds to me like y’all already discussed this and agreed without my input.” “You may be her husband, but I am still her mother. I have the right to look after my daughter.” “How ironic she finally steps up after 22 years”, he thinks to himself. But the conversation doesn’t get any better from there.
“While she’s staying with me, I want you to pay room and board for her”, the mother tells the husband. “Are you serious?!” he replies. “Yes I am serious. You need to learn responsibility.” As if she‘s the one to teach anybody about responsibility. “Well, me and MY WIFE still have to discuss this.” “Don’t try to talk her out of it” she says with an authorative like tone. “Like I said, me and her have to discuss this. She’ll get back to you and let you know what her decision will be.” The husband can’t believe that everything is going the way it is. As if he didn’t have enough on his mind already. He calms himself down in order to talk things over with his wife.
“Did you know that your mother is gonna charge rent while you’re staying there?” he asks. “No. I didn’t know that.” She replies with uncertainty. “Well are you ok with that?” “No not really. But I’m scared to be down here by myself.” He backs away from her, and paces a couple of times trying to figure out what to say, and how to say. He didn’t want to come across as the type of man to be the “dominating husband”. At the same time, he didn’t like what was being put on the table in front of them either. So in trying to be as neutral as possible, he says “I don’t like the idea of you going to Jersey with your mother knowing she’s gonna charge rent, but I leave the ball in your court.” Basically, he thought he couldn’t go wrong by making it known how he felt and leaving the final decision to her. But the gamble didn’t work. In the end, she chose to move.
Mid-October comes around. Just a couple of weeks before he has to go overseas for 6 months. He and his wife spent their last days in Virginia moving out of their apartment, and putting their stuff in storage. Then the day to move comes. He has one week of leave before returning to his command. They get to the mother’s house in New Jersey. He is not thrilled about being there under the circumstances. That night, the husband and the mother work out the financials of the wife’s stay. “I want you to pay $200 a month for her” the mother says. “Ok” he replies with a monotone voice. “So you’re ok with that?” “Do I really have a choice?” “So is there anything else you wanna add to this agreement?” she asks. “Yeah. I’ll be adding an extra $150 for her needs before and after the baby is born. All I ask is that you make sure she gets it.” “That’s ok by me.” He leaves from the dining room table, and goes up the bedroom where his wife is waiting for him.
“Well, we worked out an agreement.” he tells her. “So are you mad about this?” she asks. “Of course I am. But what choice do I have? You wanted to be here. The only thing I can do is respect what you want, even if I don’t like it.” After talking about it for most of the night, they eventually go to sleep. The next morning, he is the first one awake in the house. She wakes up after he is fully dressed. “Where are you going?” she asks. “I’m going to visit my mother and my boy in the city.” “What time will you be back?” “I don’t know”. He didn’t know because he had no intentions on coming back. At least not that day. The only thing he wanted to do was get as far away from the house as possible.
He eventually makes his way to Harlem. His hometown. A place he hasn’t been in almost 3 years. He meets up with his best friend of 16 years. He always makes it his business to see his boy whenever he’s in town. He steps up to the front door and buzzes the intercom. “Who is it?” a voice says. “It’s me nigga!! You gonna let me in or what?” His friend laughs as he buzzes him in. He makes his way up to the 5th floor (in a building without an elevator). His boy opens the door, and they show each other brotherly love. He walks in to the apartment, and is greeted by 2 of his friend’s step-kids, and his daughter. He greets and shows love to his friends wife, then makes his way to the couch. “So what’s going military man?” his best friend asks. “Nothing but bullshit!!” he replies. “What’s up with that? I thought things were good between you and wifee.” “So did I until this week.” “Yo, what the deal?” “I don’t know. Somehow, my wife was convinced to move up here in the last stages of her pregnancy.” By who?” his friend’s wife asked “By her mother.” he answers with anger.
“How the hell did that happen?!” his friend asks with shock. “Apparently, she wants to get close her mother that bad.” “And this is the same mother who never raised her, but was raised by her grandfather?” the friend’s wife asked. “Yep, that’s the one.” “So exactly how bad does she wanna get to know her moms?” the friend asks. “”Bad enough to the point I have to pay rent as long as she’s staying there.” “You can’t be fucking serious!!” his friend blurts out in anger. “Serious as a heart attack!!” “So that’s why she didn’t come out to the city with you?” “I don’t know, and almost don’t care. I only know that I couldn’t stay at that house with the way everything is going.” “Well you know you’re welcome to crash here. Is that ok with you baby?” “Yeah of course, the wife says. “Especially with you about to go overseas, you may as well hang out and have some fun with your boy before you leave.”
He spends majority of his leave in Harlem. With just enough time to spend one night with his wife before heading back to his command in Virginia. He gets to his mother-in-law’s house with tension roaming through the air. He goes into the bedroom where his wife is laying in bed watching TV. “And where have you been?” she asks with sarcasm in her voice. “At my boy’s house” he answers back with sarcasm. “All this time you’ve been there and you couldn’t call?” “I had no reason to call. Plus you knew where I was going. So if you wanted me that bad, you knew the number.” “I was worried about you. I thought something happened to you.” “Like I said you wasn’t that worried.” “Why would you leave me alone all this time like this? You know I won’t see you for 6 months once you go back.” “Do you think I wanted to spend our last days together under these circumstances? We had to give up our apartment, throw our stuff in storage, help you move to Jersey under your mother’s roof. For what? Because you’re scared? That doesn’t set in good with me at all. I couldn’t take being in this house knowing why we’re here. That’s why I stayed in the city.” “I can’t believe you’d do me like that.” “Yeah. Just like I couldn’t believe you did US like that. We had a place of our own. We were living our lives. Now we don’t have that because you’re here. How do you know if it’s even gonna work out between you and her?” “Mommy cares about me. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have made me the offer.” He looks at his wife in disgust. “If she cared that much about you, she would’ve sent for you a long time ago. But that’s just my opinion,” he says as he makes his way to the bed, and lays down. Nothing more was said between them, so they fall asleep.
Then the dreaded day arrives. November 6th, 1998. The day the USS ENTERPRISE CVN-65 goes underway for a 6 month tour in the Mediterranean, and the Persian Gulf. 2 days before the birth of his first child. He still can’t believe that he left his soon to be family in New Jersey instead of Norfolk. Then November 8th. The birth of his son occurs. He doesn’t know until he gets an emergency AMCROSS message (American Red Cross). It read: “This message is to inform you that your wife gave birth to a baby boy, which weighed 8 lbs 10 oz. Your wife is in good condition after the caesarian section was done to deliver the baby.” It was now more clear to him than ever. There was no way he could make the military a career. How many more birthdays, special occasions, holidays, and all the things that mean so much to a child would he miss serving a country who wouldn’t so much as let him seen his son born into the world? He figured all he had to do was survive the next 5 months at sea, and it will be over. Boy was he wrong. It would be far from over.
Lunch is being served on the carrier. Less than a week after he gets the message of his son being born, his attitude changes. He no longer has the Navy mentality that was put in him when he was in boot camp. His mentality now is that of a countdown. A countdown to the end of his enlistment. “After this cruise is over, I’ll only have 7 months left before my time is up” he thought. “I can’t wait for that day!! Wow; I feel like a person who’s in jail waiting for parole!!
Roughly 3 months into the cruise, he calls his wife as usual to check on her and see how she’s doing. Normally she’s happy to hear from him being that it seems once in a blue moon he’s able to call; but on this occasion it wasn’t the case. “Hey baby”, he says with happiness in his voice. “Hi”, she answers with no enthusiasm. “What wrong with you?” he asked. “I know it’s been a while since I last called, but I couldn’t help it. The phone line was down during flight ops. And it’s been non stop since Clinton ordered the strike.” “That’s not what I’m mad about” she says. “Well, what else could it be?” he asks with confusion. “Where’s the money you said you were gonna send while you’re gone?” The money she’s referring to is the $150 that was to go to her for her needs with the baby. This was sent as an allotment to her mother’s bank account. “I took care of that when I got back from leave. The allotment has been running since November!” “Well, I haven’t seen anything.” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Are you saying for the last 3 months, she hasn’t given you any money at all?!” he asks with anger. “Like I said, I haven’t seen anything.” “Aight!! I see this is gonna have to be done the hard way.” “What are you talking about?” she asked nervously. “It’ll take longer for the money to get there by mail. Don’t worry about it. It’ll be taken care of. I gotta go. I’ll keep in touch as much as I can.”
At this point, he’s furious. “What the fuck is going on!!” he thinks to himself. “I didn’t bargain for this shit!! And this bitch got the nerve to try and preach to me about responsibility?!! That’s ok. I’ll just have to do it the old-fashioned way. Send it by certified mail, and let them wait 2 to 3 weeks.” He goes to the personnel office to stop the allotment from continuing to the mother’s bank account. “What’s up with you?” the officer in charge asks. “I don’t wanna stop this allotment, but I don’t have a choice. Sir” “As you were without the formality,” the officer tells him. “So if you don’t wanna stop the allotment, then why are you?” He explains the scenario to the officer, and what just happened with the last phone call to his wife. “Oh damn,” he says in disbelief. “Well if it helps any, I don’t blame you for what you’re doing. If you were to stop sending money altogether, then I would tell you that you’re wrong on how you’re going about it.” “I just can’t believe it came to this,” he tells the officer with disgust. “It’s bad enough we gave up our apartment in Norfolk because she wanted to be with her mother, and now this?” “Well, mother-in-laws can be a pain. The only advice I can offer is not to let her break up your marriage.” “If it does come to that, it won’t be because of me. But anyway, thanks for listening and talking to me, Sir.” “Anytime. Just try to keep your head up sailor. ’re so dying to be near. I can’t understand it. But in any case, now you’ll have to wait at least 2 weeks between the time I mail it, and when it gets there. I hope you don’t doubt me like that again.” “I’m sorry,” she says as she begins crying. He wants to console her; but his anger for the situation won’t allow him. “Look, I gotta go,” he says with hesitation. “If anything changes, let me know. Send an AMCROSS message if you have to.” “Ok. I’m sorry baby”. “It’s ok,” he says with a low voice. “Just don’t let it happen again. Don’t ever doubt me like that. You remember that promise I made if we ever had kids?” “Yes,” she answers with tenderness. “That if we ever have kids, you will always be a part of their lives because you grew up without a mother and father. And you don’t want your kids to go through the same thing you went through.” “Now you understand why I’m so mad that you doubted me about the money,” he says with regret. “I will never make promises to you and not keep it. ESPECIALLY with our son here with us.” “I believe you. I’m sorry baby,” she says. “I gotta get back to work. I love you.” “I love you too.” “Hey,” he adds. “2 more months, and it’ll be over.” “I know baby. I can’t wait.”
“One more month!!” That’s all he kept telling himself with a month left of the deployment. The captain of the USS ENTERPRISE announces to the crew that they are on their way home. All he could think about was getting back to his wife, and his son he has yet to see. Later on that evening, he calls his wife to tell her that he’s on his way back home. But as usual, he gets something unexpected. The mother answers the phone. “Is she there?” he asks. “No she not here anymore.” “What do you mean ‘anymore’?” he asks stunned. “She went back to South Carolina.” He couldn’t believe what he just heard. “When did this happen?” he asked with anger. “About 3 weeks ago,” the mother replies. He hangs up the phone on the mother without warning. “Why the hell would she go back to her grandfather?” he asked himself. Right away he picks up the phone and calls the home of her grandfather. The one who took care of her. His wife answers the phone. “Hello?” “What the hell you doing there?!” he shouts. “I left from mommy’s house, and came back home.” “I can see that. What I don’t understand is why?” “I couldn’t take being around her anymore.” Once again his blood begins to boil. “So is it safe to say that you moving to your mother’s house was a bad idea from the beginning?” “Yes it was. I thought mommy was gonna help me the way she made it sound. But after the baby was born, she was bugging me to start looking for a place and getting a job. I didn’t know anything about Bloomfield, or the city of Newark. I was always waiting on her to show me around where I needed to go. She never did. But she still expected me to just get out there, and look for a job with no one to watch the baby.” “So basically, we gave up our apartment, for you to move to Jersey, only to end up really moving back to South Carolina.” She doesn’t answer. “Don’t worry. I’m not gonna stand here and say ‘I told you so’. But I am mad because where does that leave us?” “What do you mean where does that leave us?” she asks. “Remember back at college when I said ‘When and if I get out of South Carolina, I wasn’t coming back?’” “Yeah?” she responds. “Well, I meant what I said.” “Not even for me you won’t come back? Not even for your son?” “If I come down there, what kind of life are we gonna live under your grandfather’s roof? You know my biggest beef is the fact that you need a car to do ANYTHING!! And I remember stories about how your granddad always be acting funny about his car. Let’s not forget about your aunt who lives there too. You know we don’t get along because of the way she is. She got a chip on her shoulder because she never left her father’s house and got 2 kids. So she feels she got the right to be mad at everyone else who’s done something with their lives and she hasn’t. I know I won’t be able to handle living there.” “So what are you saying?” she asks him. “I’m saying you moving to Jersey was a mistake. And look what it cost us.” “So that’s it?” she asks. “Is this what it comes down to?” “I hate to say it, but yeah.” And just like that, he separated from his wife.
During the separation, he meets another woman. He didn’t plan to be in another serious relationship, but it ended up being so. He tells the new woman about his previous marriage and the fact that he has a son as a result of the marriage. The one important fact he left out: he was still legally married. He didn’t see it as a big deal, because in his mind there was no chance of reconciliation. But he had no idea that mistake would come back to haunt him and do more damage than he could imagine.
Four months into the relationship with the new woman, he relocates to Pennsylvania to live with her. Prior to that, he saw his wife and son for the Christmas holiday at her mother’s house in New Jersey. She tries again to get him to reconcile. But he informs her that he’s moved on and met someone. At the same time, he convinces her to let him take their son with him to Pennsylvania for 6 months. As hesitant as she was about it, she agreed to it. But with his luck, even that didn’t go right.
He had given her full access to their son by giving the number to the daycare he had put him in. The only number he didn’t give was to where he lived, which was with the new woman. But one day she calls the daycare to speak to her son, and is told something unusual. “Hello, can I speak to my son?” she asks. “Oh, he’s not here,” the worker says. “His step-mother picked him up earlier today.” “Stepmother??!!” she yells. She immediately hangs up and calls her husband on his cell phone. “Hey girl.” he answers. “What the hell is going on??!!” she asks with anger. “What are you talking about?” “Who the hell is his stepmother??!!” “What are you talking about? He doesn’t have a stepmother!!” “Well that’s not what the daycare said!!” “Baby, in order for him to have a stepmother, I would have to be married to another woman, which is not the case. I am not married to anyone legally other than you!!” “I don’t know that!!” He felt a cold rush as she made known how she felt. “You ever heard of polygamy?!” he asks in anger. “No.” she answers. “That’s what it means when a person marries again when they are still married to their first spouse. I could go to jail for that shit!! Do you really think I would do something as stupid as that??!!” “I don’t know. All I know is what the woman at the daycare said.” “Well, I can tell you that I’m not married to anyone else but you and I would NEVER re-marry without a divorce first. I can’t believe you actually thought I would do something stupid like that!!” “Well, I want my son home for Easter.” “What happened to June? You’re gonna let this stupid incident get to you like that?” “Just bring my son home please?”
He hangs up the cell phone in disgust. He begins to dial the daycare. The secretary answers. “Did my son’s mother call there today?” “Yes she did” the secretary answers. “Who answered the phone when she called?” “She already left for the day. Is there a problem?” “Hell yeah there’s a problem. The woman who picked up my son today was referred to as his stepmother. I am still legally married to his natural mother. I just spent 20 minutes arguing with my wife over misinformation, and now I have to take him back earlier than June, which was how long he was supposed to stay with me as a visitation arrangement. Now because of what she was told, that arrangement is no more.” “I do apologize for the inconvenience that has been placed on you as a result of that.” the secretary says with remorse. Is there anything I can do to help?” “No thanks. Y’all done enough already!!” Frustrated by the conversation with his wife, he calls his girlfriend at work to tell her what just happened. “I can’t believe it went down like that” she says. “Yeah I know,” he responds. “Now because of this, I have to take him back before Easter.” “But baby,” she jumps in. “I told you to give her the number to the house. Why didn’t you listen to me?” “I didn’t want any conflict between you and her.” “But I told you I wouldn’t have a problem if she called. She has a right to have full access to her child.” “I know what you’re saying. I just didn’t know if she would’ve seen it that way.” “Don’t let it bother you” she says trying to console him. “I can’t help it. I wish you had heard her tone of voice when we talked about it. She really thought I went that route.” “Don’t worry about it. It’s all just a misunderstanding.” “Yeah, but look what it cost me; time with my son.”
Mid March comes around. He has a plane ticket for Myrtle Beach, SC. His girlfriend and her two kids head to the airport with him to see them on the plane. As the announcement is made for the boarding of the plane, he tells his son to say goodbye to them. The girlfriend had grown attached to the little one. Neither her, nor the father knew it to be the case until she hugged him and almost didn’t let go. He also hugs the other kids ages 9, and 5. He realizes that everyone has grown attached to his son. Even he couldn’t escape the feeling that surrounded the atmosphere of the boarding area. “Is he ever coming back?” the 9 year old boy asks. “Yeah, he’ll be back,” the father says. “I don’t know when though.” “He’s like a little brother I never had. I’m gonna miss him!” They finally board the plane. He tells his son to take the window seat being that it’s his first time on a plane. As the father takes his seat, his mind dwells on what the 9 year old said. He was already shocked at the fact that they got along from day one without any problems. But just as quick as they had gotten used to each other, the temporary family had to be broken up.
5 hours later, their plane lands in Myrtle Beach, SC. In his mind, he wishes that he was there for reasons other than what they were. His son was excited of the plane landing because he knew he would get to see his mother again. They leave the plane and head to the main lobby area, where his wife is waiting. They get to the main lobby area, and he runs to his mother. They hug each other as if they haven’t seen each other in years. He goes up to hugs her as well, but it’s a different feeling to him. He doesn’t feel the hug in a certain way he used to when it came from her. But he thinks nothing of it, and reminds himself of why he’s there. Upon exiting the airport, she tells him that a friend gave her a ride to the airport to meet them. To his surprise, her friend happens to be a guy. She introduces them to each other. The husband shakes his hand, and the friend does the same. Curiosity sets in on the husband’s mind. So he calls his wife to the side to ask her the one question that’s burning on his mind. “I just wanna ask something” he says to her. “Please, don’t do anything here,” she responds in fear. “I’m not trying to start anything. I’m just asking you one simple question.” “What is it?” “Is that who you’re with now, or is he really just a friend?” She doesn’t answer. “No need to answer,” he tells her. “Your silence already told me.” “Wait” she says. “I am kind of dating him, but it’s not serious.” “You ain’t gotta lie to me. I’m only asking to get a feel of whether or not you’re moving on.” “I really don’t want to” she says looking down. “But if you choose to, I won’t hold it against you either,” he says as he lifts up her head. “I don’t like this anymore than you do, believe me!! I never thought in a million years it would’ve came to this. But me knowing the type of person I am, things wouldn’t be the same even if we did get back together. I would still have a grudge about how things went over with your mother. But all I ask is that you don’t keep me away from our son.” “Are we really gonna let it go out like that?” she asks with tears showing in her eyes. “Look at what happened that got us here in the first place. Do you really want to go back over that again?” “No!!” she yells as she gets emotional. He doesn’t know what to do. He’s mad knowing all that has happened that got them to this point; at the same time there is still something there that makes him feel bothered to see her like that. So he approaches her, and gives her a hug. “We better get going. Your friend is waiting.”
The next day he, his wife and their son visits her new friend at his house. The husband was uncomfortable going at first, but after her friend insisted that he should visit too, he took up on the offer. A few minutes after they arrive, the friend asks the husband to walk with him to the end of the driveway. He gives the little boy to his wife, and heads out the door with her friend. Basically, it becomes a man to man talk. “Look, I wanted to talk to you to clear up anything that you might feel some type of way about” he says to the husband. “I’m not feeling any type of way at all,” he responds. “If anything, I’m feeling some type of way about how my marriage fell through the way it did.” “Well, I know part of the story. But I also know there’s more that she hasn’t told me.” “Well how much did she tell you?” the husband asked him. The friend tells him what he knew, which was the fact that the husband was unwilling to relocate to South Carolina to be with her. “Well, she is right about that,” the husband tells the guy. “But did she tell you about what happened that led up to that decision?” “No she didn’t. That’s why I wanted to hear your side.” “You know, for someone who’s ‘dating’ my wife, you sure seem concerned with this whole thing.” “Well, she a good woman. I’m just curious to know why her husband doesn’t want to be with her. But more so what actually happened that led to y’all being separated in the first place.” “I see,” says the husband. “You know I have no reason to lie about this.” “I wouldn’t expect you to,” says the friend. “That’s why I pretty much wanna hear your side.” The husband tells the short version about her move to New Jersey, and everything that happened since then. “Damn!!” the friend says with a shocked look on his face. “Yeah.” The husband says. “Now every man would’ve handled that situation differently, but what was I to do?” “I feel you,” says the friend. “But one thing I will give you; you sure as hell didn’t bail out on your family like I assumed.” “Well, what made you think otherwise?” the husband asks. “The way you were when you arrived at the airport. You wasn’t jealous when she introduced us. Y’all didn’t argue about me like I thought you were going to when y’all was talking among yourselves. I thought there was still something there between you guys. Basically, you didn’t act like the typical husband who finds out the hard way that his wife is dating someone else.” “Brother, I tell you like this,” the husband says. “I been through too much in life to get pissed off and flip over things I can’t control. If it was meant to be, it was meant to be. If it wasn’t, I have no choice but to accept and deal with it. In this case with my marriage, I thought we had it under control. But somehow, her mother got hold of it and fucked up everything. If anything, I’m beating myself up wondering what I did wrong.” “You didn’t do anything wrong in my book,” the friend says. “You being honest and real. That’s all anyone CAN ask for. You alright with me, man!!” “Coming from someone I don’t even know, I appreciate you honesty.” “So what are you guys gonna do?” the friend asks. “Well, like I told her back at the airport. If she wants to move on, I won’t stop her. Only thing I asked of her is that she don’t keep me away from our son.” “I don’t think she would do that to you. But whatever you guys decide, I don’t want to be a factor in the decision making.” “Well you won’t be on my end,” the husband says. “I can’t speak for her though.”
The next day the husband makes his way back to the airport to go home. His wife accompanies him on the way there. But he couldn’t help notice something about the way she was walking. “You sure it’s just a pulled muscle?” he asks. “I’ve never known a pulled muscle to last four months.” “I don’t know,” she said. “But I know I need to go to the doctor. The pain has been steadily getting worse since Christmas.” “I’m surprised you haven’t been to the doctor already being the pain never left since then.” “Well, it’s been in and out.” “Either way, you better get to the doctor and have that looked at. You can’t play around with something like that.” “Is somebody getting scared?” she says in a joking way. “No, I’m not scared” he responds with a feminine voice jokingly. “You just never know; it might be something worse that what it seems, god forbid.” “Wasn’t you the one that always said ‘If you think about it, more than likely it will be’?” “Yeah.” “Then stop thinking negatively.” “I’m just worried about you and that limp of yours.” “I’ll be alright. Now go on before you miss your flight.” “I’ll call you when I get back to PA.”
Less than a month after he arrives from his trip to South Carolina, he gets a disturbing phone call from her aunt. “Charmaine is in the hospital,” she tells the husband. “Is she ok? What happened?!” “Did you know she was having problems with her leg?” “Yeah, I knew about it since Christmas. She told me she might have pulled a muscle from work.” “Well, it’s worse than that,” the aunt tells him. “How much worse??” “She has a tumor.” The husband freezes in shock and is silent for a moment. “Hello??” “Yeah, I’m still here.” He finally brings himself to ask the one question he didn’t want to ask. “Is it cancer infested?” “They don’t know” the aunt answers. “They are sending her to a specialist in Washington D.C. for more tests.” With her already having a history of a brain tumor, he didn’t want to think that this would be the same scenario. In the meanwhile, he tells his girlfriend of the situation. “Are you going to D.C. when she gets there” she asks him. “Of course I am. We may not be together anymore, but she’s still the mother of my child.” “I don’t have a problem with that. If anything, I was hoping you would make the trip.” He takes a moment to calm himself. “I’m sorry if I seemed to be on edge towards you. It’s bad enough she survived a brain tumor when she was five.” “Was it cancer infested?” his girlfriend asked. “Yeah, but they caught it at an early stage. And even then, the procedure affected her growth on both her body, and her hair. I just hope it’s not the case this time around.”
This was not the way he would’ve like to have spent Memorial Weekend. Traveling on a bus to D.C. not sure of what exactly is going on with his wife’s health. But then again, what happens the day before his trip didn’t make things any better. He gets a call from his wife. “Hey” she says to him. “Hey baby. What it a rough trip to D.C. for you?” “I’m not in D.C.” she says. “What you mean you not in D.C.? Are you still in South Carolina?” “No. I’m in New York” What the hell you mean you’re in New York??! You told me you was going to a hospital in DC!!” “Mommy didn’t tell you?” “Your mother didn’t tell me shit!! So now this means what??! I spent $94 dollars for nothing?!!” “What do you mean for nothing?” “Greyhound don’t give refunds no matter what the situation. Unless it’s a mess up on their end, and even then it might not matter.” “I told mommy to tell you about the change of plans.” “Well obviously she didn’t. So let me ask a dumb question being I’m the last to know anything. Exactly how long you been in New York?” “Since the beginning of the week” she replies. “That’s just great!! And in four days, nobody could pick up the phone and tell me anything.” “I didn’t have access to a phone” “But you could’ve kept on your mother and made sure she called me. Either way, that’s neither here nor there. So what hospital you at?” “Columbia Presbyterian”
The operation for removed the cancer-infested tumor was unsuccessful due to the tumor being lager than what the x-ray showed. Then again it is quite possible for the tumor to grow rapidly in a time span of 2 ½ weeks. The doctors patch up the surgical incision, and make plans to let her recuperate
At this point the husband is missing his son terribly. He would’ve taken his son on (or at least attempted) once his wife’s condition was known. However with his work schedule being mostly nights, it was not possible for him to do so. 3 months passed before he was finally adjust his work schedule to a daytime schedule, and he can be with his son in the evening. But attempts in getting his son were hampered by his mother-in-law’s bitterness. She was upset that he was no longer with her daughter, and had not been for sometime. But divorce was not an option for him at this point.
He and his mother-in-law have an argument over his wife’s sick bed about the fact that he did not want to divorce his wife in her current condition, and that it wasn’t a good time for all of that. With that answer not being good enough for, she states “It’s never a good time for a divorce.” “And this is a better time than any??!! What do you want from me?” he responds. And things he felt didn’t have to be discussed with her end up coming out. Little ’ll have to go see her and discuss this with her” “Fine.”
After waiting 2 ½ hours for his mother in law to finish her housework, they make their way to the hospital. This would be the beginning of his worst problems. His breaks down crying stating she wasn’t ready for him to leave yet. She totally disregards the fact that this man has visited her bedside every week since the beginning, and if that be the case, their son would sure be there. So with his wife crying buckets, and her mother using it to her advantage, he gives in on a slight “guilt trip”. “How much more time do you need before I come for him again?” he asks his wife. “At least a week” she replies. With that being said, the only thing he goes back to Pennsylvania with is a $55 parking ticket.
A week passes, and he is anxious. This is the day he will get his son and make up for lost time. Or so he thought. He arrives at his mother-in-law’s house… again……to pick up his son to take home with him. Only this time she’s not home. Her younger son who is 15 is home, and his 16-year-old sister is home also. “You here to pick up your son?”, he asks. “Yeah” “Where y’all going?” “Well, I’m gonna take him to see his mother, and then from there I’m going home.” Nothing was packed for his son, but he wasn’t worried about it. He had extra clothes for him at home from his last visit.
On his way to the hospital, his girlfriend makes a suggestion. “I know this may sound cruel, but I don’t think you should take him there. I got a bad feeling about this”, she says. “No, I’m gonna take him to see her, because I’m not trying to her anybody’s mouth about how I could’ve taken there before going back to Pennsylvania. Being that her mother already thinks I’m inconsiderate towards her daughter and her feelings, I’m going over there. But I won’t be there long”
Upon his arrival to his wife’s room at the hospital, he sees her on the phone talking. Right away, he already knows who is on the other end of the phone. He is asks to come on the phone. “How dare you come to my son and take my grandson without my being there.” “You knew I was coming. You wasn’t home, and I was not gonna wait around for you.” “I did not know you were coming. I didn’t hear her say for you to come back again to get him. You just wait until I get there”. He had no choice. Before he arrived at the hospital, everyone from his wife’s doctor, to hospital security, and even patient services was called and told that her grandson was abducted from her house while she was away. And to make matters worse, she instructed the hospital not to let him leave with his son.
Additional drama being brought to his wife’s bedside by his mother-in-law is making him even more frustrated. This was the one thing he didn’t want happening and be labeled the cause of. But regardless, it was happening, and he could not believe it. His mother-in-law arrives, and things get ugly. Hospital security is called to make sure things don’t get out of hand and jeopardize the patient’s condition. But then they are assured that everything’s ok, and that it won’t get out of hand.
She starts doing what she does best; talking down about him as a husband, and as a parent. Now his wife knows without a doubt that the things that are being said about him as a parent are nowhere near true. And he knows that she knows. The way he figured it, she was gonna stand up and defend him for the simple fact that he was trying to do right by their son. She gets the opportunity to speak. “Did you visit your ex-girlfriend when you left me home alone at my mother’s house”, she asks him. “What does that have to do with the situation at hand?” “Just answer the question”. “You know I was staying at my best friend’s house in New York, and you knew why also.” “Yes I know all that, but answer the question, did you visit you ex?” “Yes I did, now could you tell me what does that have to do with the situation at hand?” “Nothing, but being that mommy brought it up I wanted to know.” “So you wait 2 ½ and a half years later to ask me that with a serious situation going on that’s not even relevant?”
He was hurt. He had his hopes and expectations too high in thinking that his wife would stand up to defend him as a parent. But instead fear of her mother took over. And with that, his feeling was hurt. With all being said, he ends up for the second time not taking his son with him home. His mother-in-law leaves with his son hand in hand, and he is left sitting in the chair. Sitting in the chair stunned, confused, angry, hurt, almost every negative emotion possible was running through him at once.
It’s just him and her. Husband and wife alone in the same room. He has no words for her. She calls him over to her bedside. He goes over with a look of a rage. “I know how much you want our son to be with you, and I know those things mommy said about you as a parent are not true.” “Then why the hell didn’t you say something then??!! It won’t do any good saying it now. You had your chance. All you did was let the fear of your mother prevent you from saying anything to her, just like it always have.” “I am not scared of my mother!” “Then why the hell didn’t you say anything??!!” She didn’t respond “I know why you didn’t say anything. Because you are scared. The very reason why we haven’t been together past last 2 years. I told you then, it was supposed to be me and you; not me you and your mother. And to think I let my confidence in you standing up to your mother actually prevent me from going home empty handed again. I actually thought that if you were ever gonna stand up to your mother, this was gonna be the time. But no. I was wrong. You didn’t stand up to her. Just like the time she talked me into renting a car and going half with the cost, only to go back to Virginia with $10 dollars. What the hell was I supposed to do with that? That wasn’t even enough to get us back to Virginia from New Jersey on one tank of gas” “And I was upset about that” she adds. “Yeah, but did you say anything to her when I asked you to talk to her? No. You let it ride just like you did just now. And you said you don’t want any hard feelings between us? After what happened today, that might not be possible”
Once again, he doesn’t win the prize; his son. Being made to look like a fool and a troublemaker to most of the hospital staff, he refuses to let this go over easy. He drives to Bloomfield, N.J. and stops off at the police department. He informs them that he is being denied his son by the mother-in-law, and that there is no court order of any kind in existence. He provided them with a copy of his son’s birth certificate, and photo I.D. the police arrive, and the husband thinks he will get to go home with his son after all. But yet another defeating blow is handed to him
“Being that there is no court order from either side, there’s really nothing we can do”, states one of the officers. “Well, what CAN be done?? This woman has denied me twice from taking my son home with me, and now, she’s went as far as threatening me to have me arrested for abduction just because she wasn’t home when I came to get him. “Well, where did you go when you picked him up?” “I took him to New York to see his mother in the hospital.” “That’s not a likely place a person would go if they were to abduct their kid” “Exactly. That’s why I’ve called you guys so she can’t pull that stunt again.” Also, he did it to be spiteful and letting her know in his own way that he was not going to let this rest so easily. “Well, like I said before”, continued the police officer, “There’s nothing we can do if there’s no court order. You’ll have to go down to County Superior Court, and file for custody.
With that being said, he knew he wasn’t getting his son…..again. At the same time he finished talking to the police, the man of the house comes outside only to see two police officers and the husband talking in front of his house. “What’s going on”, he asks. “Don’t worry, we’ll talk to you in a minute.” The husband walks away frustrated and once again, without his son.
The next day, He drives Back to New Jersey to take up to up on the police’s advice. He gets to the court building. But to his surprise, the mother-in-law had already been there, and filed for custody of his son. Before a judge, the mother-in-law does whatever she felt she had to do to get her way. “My daughter is terminally ill of cancer. I don’t know how much longer she has before the inevitable comes, but I do know that she needs her son in her time of need. He was going to divorce her on her death bed, but his other lawyer had advised him not to do it, which only shows what type of person he is.”
With that being said, two things had occurred. First: it was quite obvious that the wife was indeed dying. If one thinks about it, who would actually lie under oath in court about something of that nature pertaining to their child. Second: because of the husband being totally in the dark about his wife’s condition, it has made him look like a criminal if the court. With the judge presiding being a woman, she was easily swayed by the mother-in-law’s words. Of course when the husband tried to say words in his defense, he wasn’t given the opportunity except to answer questions that had to be answered yes or no. Nevertheless, he loses the round, as temporary custody is awarded to the mother-in-law.
He was not upset for the most part about the decision. After all, if the mother of the child is dying, it’s only right that she spend her last days with her son. But it’s a different story when she doesn’t communicate to the one who would be more affected by the situation around the child, which would be the father. All he wanted was to know first hand what was going on with his wife’s health. But by being shut out by the doctors as the mother-in-law had it set, and not being able to trust her word based on prior events that made her untrustworthy, what could he do?
As far as the husband, he has his work cut out for him. For the court order states that he was allowed visitation with his son for one day. One day meaning he could pick him up Friday afternoon at 2pm but would have to bring him back the next day by 6:30 PM. On top of that, he would have to pay $60 a week in child support directly to the mother-in-law. “The mother-in-law”, he thinks to himself. “I can’t believe I have to pay child support to the grandmother of my son!!!!!” Now the problem he had wasn’t the fact that he had to pay, but who he had to pay it to. As far as he was concerned, she wasn’t the one he laid with to create his son. But at the same time, his wife was immobile as a result of her illness, therefore she had no way of utilizing the money for her son, which only left the grandmother who was able to do so.
This was a hard one for the husband to swallow. His mother-in-law already proved herself untrustworthy when it came to money a long time ago, but yet and still this is where his money would go for the next 6 months. The first visit was everything but welcoming. He was late getting there to pick up his son, and she used that to start her usual commotion. An argument flared between mother-in-law and husband because he was an hour late. As a result, she disrespects him by not letting him in the house to meet his son, but to wait outside the front door as if he was some unknown person visiting the house.
After about 10 minutes of waiting, she finally brings his son to the door. “Are you at least gonna let me see your daughter before we leave?” he asks with sarcasm in his voice. “Do you want to see him” she asks his wife. With a look of hate and envy she lets him in the house to see his wife. “So how much of the drama did you hear” the husband asks. “The whole thing from beginning to end” she replies. “You see what I have to deal with when it comes to your mother? This is why I prefer not to deal with her at all.” “Yeah, but mommy’s like that. You just have to overlook that.” “So you’re telling me I should overlook all the drama she’s caused from day one ‘til now? “ She didn’t reply. “Well anyway, I’m going home now. I’ll bring him back tomorrow”.
He would have to do this every week until his wife passes on, which she never confirmed or denied whether either or was true.
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vizhenz
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Posted: Mar 17th, 2006 04:00 PM |
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Alright now you got it...Thas how you can do everything on the forum if you like to post pics we have a family album as well....have fun and enjoy the family...Welcome again to Vizhenz....Yall this be my friend and I am happy he is here show him maddddddddddddd love
Peace
Viz
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Dymon J
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Posted: Mar 17th, 2006 04:04 PM |
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| Thanks for helping me out. and thanks for inviting me.
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vizhenz
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Posted: Mar 17th, 2006 04:10 PM |
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I am happy you are here...don't forget to go up in the cafe' and introduce yourself as well...just hit on this word ...cafe it will take u right there
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MrSnap
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Posted: Mar 17th, 2006 06:33 PM |
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Wow...One hears about this all the time bout the "evil" mother-in-laws...Even worse, when there are kids involved...Ya words described the anguish, frustration, and determination in trying to do the right thing....Thanx for sharing....Looking forward to more...
Drizz
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insatiableus
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Posted: Mar 17th, 2006 11:06 PM |
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I am so sorry  . Words cannot even begin to describe how I feel right now(as I wipe my tears away). So I can't in my wildest imagination even begin to know what you went through. To share something so personal with us is extraordinary. I thank you for your courage and strength. A big hug and kiss for you,MUAH
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alkebulan
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Posted: Mar 18th, 2006 07:08 PM |
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u hv quite a story to tell & there's still much more 2 come. it takes courage 2 disclose the misfortune that comes our way & leave it out there 4 all 2 see. things appear 2b spiriling downward, but we can still hope 4 a happier ending.
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Dymon J
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Posted: Apr 12th, 2006 11:06 PM |
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| I know I'm late with the response, but I've been going through some issues. But I'm writing what happened behin the scenes with the realtionship I had no business being in. Wait till y'all see that one.
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Dymon J
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Posted: Apr 12th, 2006 11:08 PM |
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| Yeah. But wait till you hear what happned behind the scenes....
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insatiableus
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Posted: Apr 13th, 2006 02:42 PM |
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| We are looking forward to reading the out come.
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Hellothere
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Posted: May 21st, 2006 10:37 PM |
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| WOW... the Mother-In-Law was so out of place. I sure hate you had to go thur all that. Thank you so much for sharing.
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SmoovVButta
Under 100 Club
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Posted: May 30th, 2006 06:59 PM |
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In regards to Charmaine and her mother's relationship, this piece proves a point made to me a few years ago, about children of inapt parent(s). No matter how inapt the parent(s) is and how old the child is, they still continue to love and seek the love of their parent(s)
A sad situation all together, however, I feel sad for the child most of all. So innocent, so entangled in the middle of daddy-mommy-drama and at such a young age.
thanks for sharing with us. Hope to re | | |
